


Things SHIELD Agents Never Speak Of. At Least, Not In Public.

by myownknight



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe
Genre: Drabbles, Gen, OFC - Freeform, OMC - Freeform, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-13
Updated: 2012-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-18 14:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myownknight/pseuds/myownknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes humorous vignettes from SHIELD Agents and Missions that are not quite entirely classified, per say.</p><p>Was Cannabalized for my Marvel Big Bang 2013 entry, up through chapter 4.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Very Special Agent Katy Morris.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint knows a lot about everybody. Even the things he isn't strictly cleared to.

Barton knew Agent Morris had an excellent reputation as a Shield Agent. She was smart, fast, competent, and had a sardonic streak that usually translated into her being unfailing polite to people she hated just to infuriate them. When she was in the field she was professional, courteous, and generally followed orders though she would vocalize any serious disagreements she had with them.

And she handed her all her paperwork in on time and filled out.

In short, she was a Handlers wet dream.

Barton also happened to know about a certain little mission down in Guatemala where Agent Morris had been stationed in the rafters of a watertower as surveillance, early in her SHIELD career. When her target and company walked directly beneath her surveliance postion, the course of their conversation lead them to deem it necessary to sing the chorus of LMFAOs "I'm Sexy And I Know It" with the accompanying popularized dance moves. 

After being motionless and completely silent for over nine hours minus mic click check in's, one Very Special Agent Katy Morris inadvertantly laughed so hard she fell out of her perch two stories up, and landed flat on her back in front of the target.

What her file also neglects to note is that while she was detaining the target and transfering him into custody, she never actually stopped laughing. 

In fact the next day as she was reporting to her debriefing back at base, she passed him being escorted to holding and broken out laughing again, so hard that she almost passed out and had to be put on oxygen.

Yes, Barton knew a lot about Agent Morris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this may or may not turn into a series, depending on how desperately I want to avoid my NaNoNovel. It is also possibly an excuse for me to introduce some OC's I am playing around with.
> 
> www.myownknight.tumblr.com


	2. An Unexpected Layover.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Tony may or may not have been toying with making the Einstein-Rosen Bridge more efficient. And this may or may not have been the result.

Darcy woke up slowly, her head spinning, and then sat up abruptly, ignoring the dull ache that was her body as she took in her suroundings.

"Oh shit." Darcy was pissed. And a tiny bit lost. One minute she is walking down the street, minding her own damn business and bopping along to her favorite tunes, and the next she's waking up feeling like shit in the middle of what looked like Davy Jones's locker from that pirates movie that sort of but wasn't a complete flop. There was only one explanation.

"Great. The world managed to end while I was sleeping, and now I get spend the rest of my admitedly short life trying to find a decent cup of coffee in a totally cliched post-apocalyptic kind of way that probably involves pervy cannibals and not enough deodorant. Do I look like a survivor?!"

"Actually, with boobs like those you might survive all the way through the second act. And its not post-apocalyptic, it's just Arizona."

Darcy whirled around, instantly regretting it, to focus on the hooded figure that was sprawled on the ground a few feet away, for all appearancess taking a nap behind his stupid looking sunglasses.

Darcy was kind of wishing she had some stupid looking sunglasses right about now. She was still a tiny bit hungover from last night, and Sun glare is no laughing matter.

Wu, um, da, hu?" She demanded. Apparently her brain had decided to only grant her partial syllables in retaliation for the whole holy-shit-balls-where-the-hell-am-I-and-who-the-hell-are-you thing. Figured.

Hoody dude shrugged his sunglasses down slightly, deigning to crack one eye open to observe her solemly for a minute.

"Hi."

"Hi?"

"Yeah. Hi". And with that, he shrugged his sunglasses back up and settled back down, completely relaxed like he got magically transported into the middle of nowhere with a completely stranger on a regular basis-

Magically. Magic. Thor. Shit.

"Thor!!" Darcy was definitely going to kill him for whatever he did, just as soon as he got her the hell out of here on that magically delicious bridge of his.

"Doctor Foster." Hoody guy corrected her from his nap spot.

"Jane?"

"Jane."

"Jane!!"

"Yeah." Hoodie guy muttered, before apparently tuning her out again. Jane must have been trying to tweak the gay banner bridge of awesomeness again, and somehow zapped her and mister completely unhelpful and strangely calm into the ass end of nowhere. Or, as he said, Arizona.

And now that he mentioned it, that particular shade of pinkish dust that was busy permanently attaching itself to her sneakers did seem familar. Definitely Arizona.

Darcy settled down a few feet from weirdo guy who may or may not work with Thor, ready for the long wait. She was so going to kill Jane, just as soon as she finished fixing the interplanetary symbol of friendship is magic and zapped them back to civilization. Not that the sand wasn't tempting, really. But she had plans.

In the mean time, dozing guy's sunglasses looked mighty tempting. It's not like he really needed them, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that Darcy isn't a brand new OC, but I really wanted to write something funny where she and Clint finally got to meet for the first time, in an unconventional way.
> 
> This vignette also tied for third place in the [Knights Of Fandom](http://knightsoffandom.tumblr.com) "Mightier Than The Sword" Fanfic Competition on April 1st, 2013. (remarkable, considering I completely forgot to vote for my own piece.)  
>  
> 
> http://www.myownknight.tumblr.com


	3. The Care and Handling of Semi Sociopathic Genius's, Part One.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The R&D level of Avengers' Tower is... interesting, to say the least. And the SHIELD Agents assigned to it know that better then anyone.

Ever try cramming three semi functioning borderline sociopathic genius's into one building, let alone one floor, and you can image what will happen. The SHIELD Agents assigned to Avengers' Tower's R&D floor know for certain. And they have the rules to prove it. Here are a few of them,

Rule Number One: Always have coffee available, not matter the circumstances. It does not matter if the snow storm of the century has decended upon the city, or if the entire building has been leveled. Coffee, now. No one wanted a repeat of the week where the catering staff quit in protest of the ludicrous background checks they were being asked to agree too, and Stark Banner and Foster all ran out caffeine two days in because Pepper was in Bejing mediating a merger, and Darcy was on a top ten greatest hits tour of her Ex's in the hopes of finding who exactly was leaking some very unflattering and very old pictures of her to the media.

It had taken owner of the coffee shop across the way two months of immersion therapy to stop having flashback panic attacks every time anyone dressed in anything remotely close to a business suit or lab coat walked into his shop.

Rule Number Seventeen: If anyone asks you to "come hold this" or "give me a hand", and they are not another SHIELD Agent, walk the other way. Very quickly. And alert Agent Coulson ASAP. One Agent losing feeling in two of his fingers and half his hearing in one ear is one Agent to many to have agreed to pass tools to Stark when he had perfectly functioning and apparently very territorial robots ready and waiting pass him things. 

Rule Twenty Four subclause B: No matter how attractive or apparently single they may appear to be, do not under any circumstances flirt with or reciprocate advances of anyone living or working in R&D. The odds of them having a previously unmentioned and very jealous supervillian ex, or them currently being in an on again off again relationship with a deeply enamoured ally, is higher then your chances of actually 'hitting that' and is roughly equal to your chances of getting your ass kicked if you do attempt to do so. 

Trust us. They all have Issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... how about them fics by other people that get regularly updated? I know, I know, myth. In other news, I held my own in NaNoWriMo. Enjoy :)
> 
> www.myownknight.tumblr.com


	4. Tea, Tears, And Crappy Days Galore.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes somedays at SHIELD just break you down and tear you apart. And that is when Agent Laura Maro is most likely to hunt you down and shove a cup of her Tea into your hands.

SHIELD Agent Laura Maro makes a very crappy cup of coffee, and an extremely crappy cup of tea, technically speaking. But where her coffee is either watery and grainy or acidic and grainy, her Tea is thick, black, and strong enough to potentially fuel a Russian Speznaut through an entire Russian Winter on the strength of it alone. 

Agent Maro's Tea is not for enjoying the delicate flavors of its components, or for dipping handmade lace cookies in. It is for drinking in slow, measured sips, as it subtly burns all the way down, leaving something behind in its path, which is better than nothing.

It is for crying silent thick snot filled tears into, as you reload bullet magazines with shaking hands and cold fingers in the privacy of your own room, while you try to not think about anything because oblivion is better than whatever you just witnessed.

Agent Maro's Tea taste best after a fucked up mission, where undercover work left you shaky open and hallowed out, not quite sure what was left of you after you removed the remenants of whatever personage you were wearing last. It tastes best then because it tastes like nothing you would have had undercover, and the weight of it in your gut almost makes it feel like there is something left of you after all.

Agent Maro serves her Tea two ways. The first is when she finds you after a fubar mission or a bad personal day, looks deep into your eyes and directs you to a rickity breakroom chair with a twitch of her chin. She makes it half fresh half old, pulling the dregs of her last batch out of a mason jar innocously tucked in the back of the breakroom fridge, heating it up until it scorches the roof of your mouth and drops a few generic tea bags in to let it rest as she pulls out a carton of the heaviest cream you will ever find from the fridge, and a tubaware container of honey sugar and brown sugar combined from the bottom of her purse. A spoonful and a half of sugar, a spoonful of cream, stirred thee times, and then thrust in to your hands hot as it may be, before she leaves you to break apart in private without having ever said a word. That is the first way Agent Maro serves her Tea.

The second way Agent Maro serves her Tea is reserved for when she has had a bad day, instead of anyone else. Then it is served straight out of the reserves, barely warmed to lukewarm, with enough table sugar to choke an elephant in it. Days that Agent Maro drinks her own Tea that way are guaranteed to have been bad days for someone else too. Because Agent Maro only has days that bad when someone else has died.

Agent Maro's Tea is something of an unspoken legend in SHIELD. Those that have had it are hesitant to gossip about it, out of respect, and those who have not had it for the most part assume that a coworker who reportedly can make a pretty decent cup of tea is nothing to talk about when the chemists on level twenty four reportedly have a still going in the back records room.

Fewer SHIELD Agents have been treated to Agent Maro's Tea then some would assume, and More of them have needed it when she gave it than most would guess.

Another unspoke legend is Director Fury himself first met her when he stopped in at a crappy roadside diner after a hideous day, and she ignored his food order and instead brought him a giant mug of her Tea and a pack of crackers instead, no charge.

The unmuttered rumor goes he hired her on the strength of her tea alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On bad days, I actually make my tea very similarly to this. I recommend one tea bag of good tea (pu-er, good earth, whatever floats your boat) and two generic black tea bags. Super hot water, let brew for five to seven minutes, season to taste with a touch of milk and sugar. Really packs a punch, and fills you up if made correctly.
> 
>  
> 
> www.myownknight.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> I'm marking this as completed, but I'll add any random vignettes that I may write in the future that don't fit in elsewhere.


End file.
